As a young boy, I hatched a leatherback sea turtle in my bedroom (just over the fence from a murderous South American dictator). As a teenager, I became interested in stories about my family's connections to international secret societies. In my 20s, I pursued my goal of ruling the world by learning the secrets of the uber-elite. During my 30s, I followed my dreams and engaged in various pursuits such as deciphering poems for millions in lost gold, running a food truck powered by veggie oil, and starting the world's first Tuk Tuk Goose chase—in Iowa. By my 40s, I decided to take a step back and reflect on all that I had learned through these experiences. These are some of those stories.